You know you're a Brummie because…

[jamie]

Shamelessly ripped from motherforums...

You know you're a Brummie because…

• You say "town" and expect everyone to know which one.

• You have never been to Aston Hall but you know intimately the backstreets of Weston-super-Mare and Rhyl.

• You know we've got the finest collection of pre-Raphaelite art in the world but you don't know a) where they are or b) what a pre-Raphaelite is.

• You can get into a four hour argument about how to get from Erdington to Northfield at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Coventry on a map.

• You always have the exact change when you board a bus.

• You think Maypole, Druid's Heath, California, Bangham Pit and Gannow sound perfectly normal names for places.

• You believe that being able to swear at people makes you multi-lingual.

• You've considered punching someone just for implying that you have a funny accent.

• Your door has more than three locks.

• You can't see anything strange about your four favourite bands being ELO, Black Sabbath, Musical Youth and UB40.

• You’ll never ever buy a Rover, but you’ll argue at length about the merits of Longbridge.

• You like sterilised milk.

• You know that Birmingham has more miles of canal than Venice.

• You feel the need to share this information with everybody you meet.

• You consider Sutton Park the 'countryside'

• You think Cannon Hill Park is 'nature'.

• You pay £1,200 a month for a studio apartment the size of a walk-in wardrobe in Brindleyplace and you think it's a bargain.

• You've been to Wolverhampton twice and needed Air/Sea Rescue to get home both times.

• The Severn Valley Railway is abroad and exotic.

• You think Redditch is really in Brum

• You pay more each month to park your car in the city centre than you do in rent.

• You listen to Ed Doolan but say you can't stand him.

• You own several tons of fishing tackle that have never so much as seen water.

• You have dinner at lunchtime and go home to tea.

• You haven't been to the Rag Market since your mom took you there to get a school blazer in 1974 but have to date signed 37 petitions to stop it closing.

• You haven't heard the sound of true, absolute silence since 1977 and when you did, it terrified you.

• You go to Broad Street and pay £3 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28p.

• Being truly alone makes you nervous.

• You spend the waking hours complaining about Telewest and Travel West Midlands.

• You remember when Bob Warman had brown hair.

• You moaned about the cost of the NEC, ICC, NIA, Symphony Hall etc.

• You tell everybody you meet that Bill Clinton and the Eurovision Song Contest came here because of the vision of the city council.

• You think that being refused entry at eighteen bars in three hours constitutes a good night out.

• You haven't cooked a meal since helping mum last Christmas with the turkey.

• Your idea of exercise is jogging to the bus stop from the bookies.

• You can't see anything wrong with a bus route that's twenty-two miles long, takes four hours and finishes where it starts. (11a or 11c for you bus fans)

• You think Carl Chinn sounds common.

• You just know that the Millennium Dome, National Stadium and 1992 Olympics went to the wrong place.

• You allow three hours for a two mile motorway journey to Ikea.

• When anybody asks you to recommend a good Indian you can provide them with a list of a hundred.

• You don't hear sirens anymore.

• You can't see anything wrong with spending your summer holiday on a caravan site thirty miles away.

• You've heard of something called the Black Country but you can't be certain that it exists.

• You live on a housing estate with a larger population than some countries.

• You think pork scratchings are health food.

• You call total strangers "Aer kid".

• You call mates "Bab".

• You think "getting a buzz" refers to public transport rather than drugs.

• You get into fights with everybody who says that Manchester is the Second City.

• You think all arguments can be ended with the words "Shakespeare was a Brummie".

• You think Ozzie Osborne is a kn*b, but claim he is your hero to non-Brummies.
__________________

[JiBeRjAbEr]

Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Manchester United Players on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q: What do you call 20 Manchester United Fans skydiving from an aeroplane?
A: Diahorrea

Q: What do you call a Man Utd season ticket holder?
A: Scenery...

Q: What do Manchester United Fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q: What's the difference between listening to Alex Ferguson's after-match interview and childbirth?
A: One's an extremely painful almost unbearable experience, and the other one's just having a baby.


Q: What have Man Utd and a 3-pin plug got in common?
A: They're both bugger-all use in Europe.




A van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Manchester United fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their ubiquitous red colours. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road. One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest "where are you going, Father?",

"I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about 2 miles down the road" replied the priest.

"No problem Father! I'll give you a lift"! climb in!"

The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Manchester United fan walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the bloody priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the scum bastard. However even though he was certain he missed the glory-hunting shite, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the priest and said

"I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that Manchester United fan,

"That's okay" replied the priest. "I got the fucker with the door!"

[Blade!]

Heh, half of the them are true.

Nice one.

[EagleEye]

trust you....

[PAYNEY]

[Foxtrot_Uniform]

i resent the idea that anyone would want to link scum pit of reddich with birmingham... but id say you're list if about 60% on the mark we truely are the beautiful people over here

[Escapologist]

i resent the idea that anyone would want to link scum pit of reddich with birmingham... but id say you're list if about 60% on the mark we truely are the beautiful people over here

Amen to that!

[Night wing / joe king]

[DE-G@vnor]

I'm surprised stigdu hasnt joined in

[stigdu]

...you have a silly accent!